Fuck: II

Our kissing intensifies.

I close my eyes shut tight because I feel the urge to explode; to squirt all over you, but I hold it back. I try to wait it out.

I’m having fun, I determine, No need to come right now.

“Are you close?”, you whisper between my lips.

Shit.

“Yeah. I’m sorry” I say, embarrassed. My eyes are still shut and my lips still pursed closely upon yours.

“Hey…it’s okay.”

You plant soft kisses on my cheek and trail the kisses down my chin and into my beard. I exhale through my nose and feel the sensation. The spots on my skin warm up as your lips stimulate them.

You plant one on my lips.

I grin slightly before we begin to make out once more.

I feel myself starting to sweat and the urge fills me up again. You roll yourself on top of me with a seamless straddle. Gripping your thigh, I align your pussy onto me. You rock your hips back and forth…tentatively. I breathe into you. Both our mouths are open and our moans exchange.

You sit up and throw your head back as you start to ride me faster.

“Oh my god”, you pant.

I place both my palms on your breasts, swirling them in small, slow circles. I can feel the firmness of your nipples.

I thrust into you harder, causing you to bounce; the bed creaks.

I squeeze your breasts.

“You like that?”

“I…fucking love it”, you moan.

“Tell me…oooh…yes. Say it.”

“Oh my god”, you screech, “I love it. I love it!”

Fuck.

Might I say you look beautiful right now, on your back, legs spread wide for me.

I lower my head down between your legs and kiss your clit a few times. It’s wet. You’re wet. I’m wet. You taste golden. I slide my tongue inside of you and you shiver.

“Kiss me”, you whisper.

I lift my body up gently to meet you. My lips glisten with your fluids. Our tongues meet and twirl with the other. They dance, and you pull me closer. Our nipples are touching, we are so close. I slide my middle finger in you and massage you from the inside. You moan into my mouth and I can taste your breath and saliva. I taste your 3pm cigarette.

I am in love with you.

But something tells me there is more under the surface of your discarding of me. I need you, now more than I ever have. Why? Because I am ready to love you actively and fully. Transparently and forreal, woman. Can you hear me? Can you feel me? I feel you. Or maybe I just feel myself, hoping a piece of me can float amongst the universe and reach you somehow. And…I know this happens to people. They do not get the lover or the romance, but I am in love with you.

I never felt this way before.

A feeling of being so close and so far away from you. I am having a hard time expressing this…mainly because I wish I could express this to you. Talk to you. Tell you everything, and nothing. Nothing at all cause you do not care. Seemingly.

That is all I know for sure.

I feel it. I hope you do too.

The Ideal First Date Part: 3.

After our Ideal Dinner date at this distinct restaurant, I would walk You to Your car to make sure You are safe.

Once we arrive at your car, I would say, “I had a great time, Love.”

You would say, “I had a great time, too. It would be nice to see you again.”

“Of course”, I would say, “I am pretty free most weekends, so just let me know when you want to meet up again.”

We would stand there for a few moments, grinning at each other and not wanting to be the first to officially end the date.

Eventually, You would clear your throat and say, “Is it weird that I want to make out with you right now, even though it is the first date?”

“Nah”, I would reply with a soft chuckle, “I would like to kiss you too, first date or not”

I would gently move in a little closer to you; our bodies only inches apart.

You would smoothly raise an eyebrow and say, “Well, you have permission to kiss me as though it was not our first date. Kiss me like…you have known me for months and you know exactly how I like it.”

Excitement would come over me from those weeks at the bookstore where we worked together, admiring you, and trying to muster up the courage to ask you out.

I lean in for the kiss.
Your lips lock with mine, and the space our lips hold fit perfectly into the other’s.

You slip your hands around my neck and slowly massage my nape, which turns me on more than you would ever know.

I would wrap My arms around Your waist and bring you so close that I would be able to feel your heart beat. Our breathing, in concurrence, would equally deepen as We continue to explore the other. Our tongues dancing around as though there were a familiar tune playing in the background of our kiss.

So much time would pass, that I would feel like I am kissing you forever, but that I could never dream about stopping.

Our kiss would intensify.

You would slowly pull my hand from your waist to your left breast, and the intricate softness would catch me by surprise because I would later reveal to you that I never actually touched a woman like that before.

I would not make my surprise apparent to you, but would instead, start to massage your breast slowly, gently, passionately, like I always imagined myself doing when I masturbate.

Your moan passes through Your lips as You would continue to kiss me deeper…and deeper.

I would feel so aroused that I could see myself just making love to you right there in the parking lot…

An Ideal First Date Part: 2.

At some point in this date, you would ask me about the types of women I usually go for.
I would tell you that I usually go for smooth women, like You.

You would giggle.

I would giggle.

Our eyes would Lock.

My brain at this point, will be trying to tell my eyes to look away and stare at something else.

Unfortunately, on this particular night, Your eyes would be too mesmerizing to look away and honestly I would not want to.
The corners of Your red lips would lift slowly, then Your tongue would take a slow glide along them both.

The enticement would almost be too much for me to handle, and yet I still cannot look away.

“Do you like what you see?” , You would ask.

“I love what I see”, I would reply.

“You two need desert menus?”, the Server interrupts…

An Ideal First Date.

An ideal first date with You would be at a distinct restaurant with distinct music and distinct menus.
I think You may be wearing something short…and Black; something easy to remove.

On our ideal date, We would have great conversation that would be short-lived, because Our subconscious minds have more in store than what is typically appropriate of being said, because: First Dates.

I think You would order salmon and broccoli.
I would order chicken tenders.

I would probably be wearing something silk, and revealing, revealing to You.
I am sure you are checking out my chest which is peaking from underneath a button up shirt, I have buttoned downed to the fourth hole.

You laugh at all my corny jokes, because You are easy going and down to Earth.

I admire Your eyes when You speak because I am deep and You are an ocean.

Yes, this First Date is intense.

Crash.

I think I…should have seen You coming.

Your lights were in high beam, Your heart was in 3rd gear.
Why did I not hear You as Your words screeched like tires on My tired road. Why could I not see You?
Does this make Me stupid? Obscured? Devoted to feeling heartache, and pain.

I think the difference between You and I is the fact that at least I can be honest about My lust, about My distrust for You, My yearn for You, My love, My lust for You.
At least I can be honest.

Why could You not at least say, “Fuck you”, if that is what You felt?
Instead, You said nothing. Absolutely nothing, and that left Me, leaving you, breathing You.

And I have nothing left to receive from You, or even the thought of You, I cannot think of you, I cannot stop thinking of You.

I think…I…Crashed.

The Lonely Tranny

I know this may be inappropriate, but I yern for you to sit with me and listen, to be present, to let go of the past, and for us to hang on to eachother.

To stare into the eyes and reveal truth that decays the bone and rots the body.

Please do not be afraid.

I stand alone within a crowd of people.

I stand against the wall of elegance, propped body, and broad shoulders; please do not leave.

I imagine what it would mean to never hide myself away; to not be implanted with the fear that everyone will turn away and go an alternate route.

That I will continue to stand against the wall, breathing deep inhales, sobbing from my damp spirit.

Please…do not go.

I cannot and will not change, but I am much fun.

Maybe it is just that, nobody is looking for me.

Many people are looking for fit, pretty girls, who can be chill and charismatic.

I am not too chill or charismatic…or maybe I am but am unable to see it clearly, clouded by the weather of fatigue.

It would do good to rest the body, mind, and spirit.

To go home.

Family Ties

Family.

That word seems so foriegn and abundant. I must be grateful for the life flowing through my mother, father and grandmother because many cannot say their’s is still around.

Family: a strange word. For I am unfamiliar with the familiarity of the family’s flemsy feels toward the aroma of indifference that crowds me. They refuse to understand until I am laying dead in my coffin smiling at them reminding them of the time I just wanted to talk, show them my new book, or just be myself.