THE OVER-THINKER.

You ask me a question about myself,

My immediate answer is in relation to the greater world around me…never really about me, or answering your question.

I get lost in thought, and I am hoping with each exchange of questions and answers, that you are getting lost with me.

You gaze at me as I speak. My mind calculates your gaze as disinterest, and I can imagine anxiety putting on it’s best slacks to prepare to join us for dinner.

I change the subject. Maybe the alteration in the energetic fields of the universe will be a lighter topic for us to ponder against, maybe not. So, I let you speak. Desire for acceptance and relentless normality overcasts my need for releasing unfinished thoughts. You lead the way and take me into your realm of the mind. I am intrigued.

I can relax a little. My shoulders begin to decline the revolt of tension inside my body. I sip my Egyptian Chamomile.

“Be calm”, I internally whisper.

Then you ask me about my thoughts on sexuality. My Soul runs away from fear and opens the door to it’s light, just a little. I begin to talk, and let you in.

The worlds of reality are vague to me as I elude back to the greater world around me.

I don’t want you to know that I masturbated before this date. I thought about the possibility of you wanting to kiss me. The thought of me holding you swarmed by need to get to know you better. In my mind, I needed you to want me. My body disagreed as the time for our date arrived and I realized I had just been over-thinking.